It is just to say... Life moves in phase... nd this is again a difficult one... when everything that was good seems illusionary.... where a lot bad is happenning.... nd a lot has to be learnt for self-growth!!!

Well... I m blogging after long... not because I dint want to... but then impulse was not strong enough to put me into blogging mode. Wanted to vent out a lot... a lot has happened since my last post... but then no time for all this. College is about to end... and so much of nostalgia... taking its toll over me.

Confusions still survive... and I am returning back to a better person as I wanted to be. Its just that there is some doubt somewhere.

I remember six months back... when life had stopped... lost its meaning... and I used to wonder if You exist My secret lord... You came... in a human form... Yourself.... and perhaps gave me the best time of those 2 turmoil months. I had forgotten what laughing is like... and You re-emphasised the fact that I can laugh... You were all the way there... on my birthday... on Friendship's day... both when I really dint want to enjoy...You were very much there... On Diwali... making me special....

And see.... stupid me... dint even realise its YOu... with me... giving me strength... it was a miracle... Your one call could wake me up from the deepest of my sleep... from the depest of my pains... my soul got liberated itself... in Your presence... and You were there... in this relationship... but I never realised its You... and today... I wonder... what is the future of this relationship.... Am i in love... and does it hold any significance now... I wonder....

I leave it in Your hands Lord....
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I really don't know... should I really give a second thought to my soft feelings... Or should I ignore them thinking as kiddish....

Lets see.... But then if what i am feeling is true... then these lines would really hold true....

"We'll meet at the right time, the right place, the right moment...
And then the eternity would arrive....

Till then... We both will nurture ourselves.... To become the perfect we..."

I wonder if this is true... for the relationship I am thinking!!!!

Love Ya
Eagle!! ( Wants to fly...)

Well this is an excerpt from wat i wrote long back!!!

"The days are long
The nights even longer
And my heart just can’t speak.
There’s a lot to do;
A lot more to speak…
But words don’t fall,
And I get weak.

And I want to forget
That pain does exist.
And I want to suppress
The tears draining me.

And I want to delete
The anguish within
And I want to BELIEVE
That heaven is smiling upon me…
And I want to believe
That You are there with me.”

It is said that we metamorphise wid time... dat everything dat happens in our life, every moment and every activity has a relation, it has a significance, it has a meaning.

Wat I m writing today, wat I m feeling today is all related to moments in past and has a significance in future.
Thoughts are rushing in my mind and I really dont know how to organise them and type them at this moment. I ve started blog writing all of a sudden again. Most of the things I do or rather somewher my bosom earnestly wants to do happen in a second, without a second thought... impulse at times gives a vent to my long hidden thoughts or dreams.

I sometimes fail to understand myself and the reason for being wat I m. I m searching for a purpose of my life... The purpose of what I am and why I am... My short term and long term goals seem to be faded in the agony of past. Turbulence and deception has left me awestuck!!!!

But yes... i have a purpose... to vent away my long hidden feelings... so dat I can understand myself better... So that I can feel lighter... and find light in my own heart. o my Lord... all my writings are directly or indirectly addressed to you as usual.... So I request Your earnest grace uopn me!!!

Love Ya

Eagle!!

Addiction!!!

Well... This is not my first blog. I ve already written two blogs in a span of last one year and deleted them. Perhaps, because of my own inhibitions and fears.
But yes, with my last blog... I' ve got addicted to blog writing. So, no matter how hard I tried to restrict myself from writing one, I couldnot stop myself.
Something about me... I m a girl of 21.. last year of college... full of hopes and inhibitions... full of vibrance and trying to be sensible and mature.
4 years of college has been a long span for me. crying, laughing, emotional traumas, deception in name of professionalism... and naming deception worldliness later... growing up... realisation of facts... losing track.. and then trying to get back to one... getting proposals... tomboyishness... then realisation to be a female... hating love... ... adapting... spirituality...
It has been a combo ride of all in one.
There s lot which is going to pop out on this electronic media... but most of them I believe will be moments.. moments lived and expressed... captured in words... to be reflected someday later in future.

Lets see how far these latent emotions find their vent out!!!